Bright Start to 2015

It was my younger sister’s wedding after new years 2015 so I traveled to meet my family and stayed with them for the wedding. I had a truly wonderful time after the longest while of sadness in all the years before. Asian weddings last for more than 10 days so I enjoyed dressing up and getting my hair made at the salon. I didn’t bother about my hair loss because I wanted my hair to look good in the pictures ha ha and also because worrying about hair loss never helped me so for once I wanted to forget about it. Once again I looked truly happy in my pictures and the smile I had was not fake unlike the times I pulled fake smiles for pictures during the years when I was miserable from my infertility shock.

Even today when I scroll through my pictures of the time we were newly married, I can’t imagine how happy and relaxed I was. I really want to be as happy as I used to be and smile with inner happiness and contentment but I guess it is too much to ask for when battling with feelings of incompletion due to infertility.

It was a blissful occasion for my entire family and those 2 weeks that I spent with my family laughing, chit chatting, dancing and making arrangements for my sister’s big day were like a pure detox treatment for me. I had never stayed at my parents place after getting married but that trip made me realize what a wonderful blessing I had missed on by not staying at their place for the last 5 years.

Getting decked up for the events made me feel beautiful once again and my husband also praised me over how I looked and I was simply overjoyed.

I was very busy and occupied with the wedding that I barely got any chance to sit free and think about my ovulation dates and blah blah for once. I was still on the herb Vitex and I used to insert Cyclogest suppositories for the first 10 days after ovulation.

After I returned home, I was a bit queasy for a day or two but I didn’t pay attention to it because I was tired from the wedding. Then I had a beautiful dream. I dreamt I had a baby in my arms and in the dream itself I couldn’t believe that the baby in my arms was mine so I would try and wake my baby up again and again to hear his/her sounds! I woke up instantly and very randomly made a pregnancy test. I didn’t expect much anyway because it had only been a week since my ovulation, sure enough it was negative. Later that day I looked at the pregnancy test again and to my surprise – IT HAD TWO LINES!! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!

I was thrilled and shocked. I had never seen a positve pregnancy test ever, not even from my treatments and this was a BFP from just taking a cheap herb! Where was this beautiful herb all these years when I was doing those expensive painful treatments??

I was a bit scared about a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage because I had heard about lots of people conceiving after years of trying and then miscarrying in their later months. Anyhow I trusted my Lord and His blessing and kept my faith strong. I was extremely happy and couldn’t wait until my 6 week scan.

It had been 10 days to my positive result and I was nearly 5 weeks and a few days when AF arrived. I was devastated and I knew it was the end. This was my second chemical pregnancy but just having become pregnant naturally gave me lots of hope for conceiving naturally in the future.


2014- The Bombardment

Start of 2014, we decided to do IVF once again! We were courageous enough to go through it after a whole year had passed after our last ICSI. It had also been a year since the move overseas and we had settled by now. We went to see our local doctor and he put us both on vitamins for 3 months.

After completing the 3 months of vitamins, our suppression started. This was a completely different cycle than my first 2 ICSI’s, the doctor had put me on the long protocol. This time my husband gave me the injections at home and we realized how silly we were to go to a laboratory for the injections every day during our first 2 ICSI’s.

The 4 clomid rounds in the past had already made me lose a lot of hair and every time they’d recover a bit, I used to be ready again to start a new phase of treatment. The suppression drugs made me lose hair in chunks. I still wonder if it was the suppression drugs or the stress related to my studies or the sadness and loneliness that I used to feel every now and then. Losing hair became another reason for me to be sad about. I used to have thick hair and now every year I lost hair like a sick person would and I would feel insecure when I would see other girls with thick beautiful hair. It really used to make me feel unattractive when I would see myself standing in the mirror, thin as a stick and extremely less hair. 😦

After suppression we had the stimulation and then the egg collection and transfer. I think I was over stimulated and I had 30 00cytes collected! 21 eggs and 20 got fertilized! We transferred 3 embryos on day 3, 1 embryo was an 8 cell and the other 2 were 4 cell. The 8 cell was a healthy embryo, the 4 cell were late as they should have been 8 cells by now also. The 8 cell embryo made me very happy and I couldn’t wait to find out I was healthily and happily pregnant! 2 weeks later when we tested, it was negative all over again!

We were really sad and disappointed , we didn’t know what to do because we really wanted babies and our lives to move forward. We weren’t ready to wait longer. We did a 4th ICSI the very next cycle. On day 21 of my cycle, the suppression of my ovaries started and the same protocol of stimulation, egg collection and transfer was carried out. This time we transferred 3 8 cell embryos on day 3! We also had some 8 cell embryos frozen! That was a huge improvement from my eggs! I was really happy and I was extremely positive about this go. It just had to be it now! Sure enough, it wasn’t. at the end of the 2WW, we had to face a BFN.

I had missed my period for a few days that ICSI attempt so I was thinking I was pregnant and maybe I was pregnant for a few days because when my period started, I had a huge clot flow out of me which was orangish whitish and yellowish and the size of the palm of my hand. After it had come out, I fainted and fell to the ground. Luckily, my husband was around who held me and shook me so I didn’t faint for more than a few seconds. Why had that happened? Why didn’t this very embryo implant? It was my fault or lets say my my doctor’s fault. At the beginning of our 4th ICSI, my husband was very worried about my physique and health. He felt that the 3 metformins a day were extremely heavy for me and he wanted me to take a break from it all. So he discussed his concern with my doctor and the doctor allowed us to stop taking it completely! Hence, my insulin levels must have been completely out of range after I stopped taking the metformin pills and my negative pregnancy test result was right in front of me and I just stared at it with shock and sadness.

2014 was full of birth announcements, 1st or 2nd birthdays, weddings, pregnancy announcements and many other progressions in everybody else’s lives. Whereas we were still stuck and didn’t know how to expand our family. Couples who had married 1 or 2 or even 3 years after our marriage were having babies and proceeding with their lives. Some friends were sending their babies to play schools already. Time had flew and we hadn’t realized because we were on a pause. I used to be looking at the calendar on my phone waiting and planning. For what? For ovulation, 2 WW and AF and God knows what not. My calendar was marked with reminders and dates not for parties or events but for starting medicines, injections and protocols. I felt like I was living the life of an old person’s, taking a bunch load of medicines and having moods of all kinds. I was a completely different person than what I was when we married, I was certainly not what my husband had chose for his life partner.

Then there were some good things that happened in 2014 – we made a huge bunch of friends and they were all very active and full of life. We used to meet up with them on the weekends and have a great time laughing, chit chatting, singing and dancing. Getting ready and going out to meet friends really used to make us happy and forget our troubles for a few hours. 2 other couples in the group had faced difficulty in trying to conceive their babies and now they had their first baby’s. Meeting them really made us hopeful about our future and we had their support whenever we needed some encouragement to continue treating my infertility. They recommended their doctor to us and we made an appointment with this new doctor for August 2014.

I had my exams in the summer of 2014 so I remained busy and occupied with that but of course the doctor’s appointment was always on my mind.

Finally the day of the appointment with the doctor arrived and we visited his clinic with lots of hope and courage. The doctor reviewed our long history and he suggested a long protocol and to transfer blastocysts this go. We were ready to start suppression by end of August and by end September my stimulation was also completed. The egg collection was done and we had 21 eggs fertilized. Then began the wait for the embryos to become blastocysts, which they never did. 😦

On day 5 of the cycle, my embryos were morulae yet. However, the doctor believed in miracles and he transferred 2 morulae and wanted me to remain calm so that my cycle would work. Of course, I was worried but I kept my faith strong. 2 weeks later i had a BFN again and for the first time ever I broke down crying in front of my doctor.

He told me to handle myself and he told me he didn’t see a reason why I wouldn’t ever become a mother. I just continued to cry and nothing he said seemed to help but made me cry harder.

The year of 2014 was a complete bombardment of ICSI’s, Big Fat Negatives, fights amongst ourselves and the cherry to top it all with was the birthdays and birth announcements of everyone we knew.

I began to feel extremely guilty for being so infertile and not being able to give my husband the babies he always longed for. I started hating my body and my tiny stomach which was brought about by heavy metformin. I was a mess all over again. I used to cry to sleep every night and became completely hopeless.

On the other hand, my husband did a lot of research on how to improve egg quality and we somewhat found the answer. He made me join a gym for daily work out for an hour at least and he bought me lots of herbs and OPKs. We were going to try herbal remedies now to cure my egg quality issue. I started taking Vitex, CoQ 10 and Pregnacare.

The daily work out used to make me feel very relaxed, energetic and helped me to sleep better. I was trying hard once again but this time I was much more practical in my approach. I used to go for swimming and yoga on alternate days and spend a few hours at the gym daily so that I wouldn’t be lonely at home. I was still 48 kgs but I started to eat healthy and tried to gain weight. I barely became 49 kilos but I was much relaxed and happier than before so I didn’t worry myself about my weight. I also started sun bathing for 10 minutes daily because I had recently found out I was low on Vitamin D. which could have been a reason for no implantation happening all these years. I was taking things positively and I wanted to help myself not for myself but for my dear husband who loved me so much and never let go off my hand through my tough times.

If you read on the internet, lots of people conceived after using Vitex for 2-3 cycles. I started Vitex in mid October 2014 and by within a month I was noticing changes in my cycle! My periods became less painful, my ovulation became stronger and easier to detect, I had more cervical mucus than before and most importantly, I started having 28 day cycles! I had always had a 30 cycle and going from a 30 to a 28 day cycle is a big improvement in cycle terms! I was delighted and I was waiting for two cycles to happen at least so that I could start to expect a positive pregnancy anytime just like other women on the internet had got success from this lovely herb within 2-3 cycles.

In December 2014 we decided to move to a new house and after settling in and again choosing the place for my baby’s crib in my new bedroom, I traveled to meet my parents for my younger sister’s wedding. Life was good 🙂




2013 -One bad thing lead to another

We moved overseas in 2013 and although I was excited at first within a few days the loneliness and emptiness in my house affected me severely. Every day when my husband would be leaving for work; I used to have a sudden feeling of loneliness that would want me to stop him from going because I would have nothing to do but to unpack loads of cartons and set up a lonely empty house. I had always enjoyed decorating but for some reason at this point; I was lacking the passion to decorate my house. It was a new country, new house, new neighbors, new supermarkets to do grocery from, new dry cleaners, the entire environment around us had changed. I didn’t have my friends or family with me to support me during this phase. I was a complete loner; I was still a stay home wife and my house was silent. Pin drop silent.

I longed the cries of my baby and his/her movements around our new house. I even decorated my room keeping in mind the place for the baby’s crib and the baby’s rocker. My entire life seemed to be dependent upon the happiness and liveliness a baby’s arrival would bring to my house. Life was on a hold already. My life had always been fast paced and happening; I had never waited for anything to happen and suddenly the feeling of being ‘infertile’ was killing me and I was not able to do much about it.

A month after the move; my beloved sister’s husband passed away from Cancer. She was only 27 and had two daughters with him; Aged 4 and 2. I was grief stricken and I decided to visit my sister for a whole month to support her and help her cope with the sadness. I started to hate on life, it was full of sadness for almost everyone. Everyone seemed to be facing difficulty of one kind or the other. Some were sick, some lost their parents at a young age like my sister’s kids, some saw the deaths of their spouses, some were child less like me, some had nothing to eat or drink due to poverty and some were refugees and had lost entire families in wars. I didn’t enjoy living at all; My old spirit kept dying and I stopped smiling. I continued to lose weight due to the heavy metformin and depression. From 52 kgs I became 48 kgs and I looked like a sick and starved person. It seemed like my life was stuck in a bad cycle; One bad thing lead to another.

I had to find a gynecologist also; Everything was just new. Nothing could be the same, life had changed way too much. My sister’s sadness drove me mad and I had to face my own sadness of being childless and lonely in a completely new country. My parents and my siblings didn’t know about my infertility struggle so I didn’t have anyone asides my husband to talk to. He himself was adjusting to living in a new environment so I tried not to bother him as much as I could.

We found a gynecologist near home and although he wasn’t what we really wanted for our doctor to be; We decided on doing clomid rounds all over again. I was 22 only so any 1 cycle with proper ovulation had to work. We took clomid all over again for 3 cycles and we used OPK’s to track ovulation and had timed intercourse. During the 2WW, I used to insert progesterone suppositories for the first 10 days of the luteal phase. Every cycle it used to be saddening when I would see a negative pregnancy test and have a painful period at the end.

Happiness had stopped coming our way; It seemed to have diverted from my home to somewhere I wasn’t able to find it. Life was under complete darkness and I felt like running away. Running far away from everyone and everything and without stopping. Even under bright sun light, my life seemed as dark and bleak as a prisoner’s. I didn’t know what to do and how to handle myself or my emotions. I tried looking for a job but with my high school qualification it was almost impossible to find a decent job that my husband would allow me to do. I tried to keep myself busy with cooking , reading the newspaper, watching the television but nothing impressed me or made me happy. I lost the reason to wake up in the mornings and sometimes I used to be sleeping until noon. 😦 Waking up so late caused me to sleep late at night and I would stay up until dawn sometimes; Crying silently and thinking about my infertility and sad lonely life. The sadness and weight loss made me lose my appetite even more. I stopped eating and drinking and taking care of myself. I didn’t even realize what I was doing to myself and how I was worsening my chances by doing all those silly things.

I should have got up and joined a gym to work out which would have helped me increase my appetite, made me sleep better, reduced my stress levels and helped me to have a positive energy filled attitude. I was a mess and not impressive anymore. As I type; I realize what a depressing sight I must have become for my dear loving husband who would come home tired from work and the long office commute. I resent those days of my life and I hope no one ever falls into the mess I had fell in as I continued to let infertility ruin my precious young age.

On the other hand; My husband was always looking for ways to help us. By the summer of 2013 We thought about doing another ICSI/IVF. Before trying my husband just wanted to get a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) done on me to check if my tubes were okay and there were no blockages. We had a HSG done in July 2013 and it came out perfectly fine. Amidst all the sadness, just one thing coming out to be fine raised my spirits again! We thought about the expenses associated with IVF/ICSI and now we even knew that my tubes were working well so we decided that we didn’t really need IVF. Maybe what we really needed was IUI so that the sperm was up close to the egg to fertilize it at the right time.

In August 2013, with lots of hope and happiness for the future, we had our 3rd IUI. It resulted in a BFN but we were so happy and positive from the results of the HSG that I felt ready to do another IUI in Spetember 2013. And again, it was a BFN for us.

I wanted to take my mind off all the fertility treatments and wanted to do something about my future since it seemed like waiting to have kids , waiting for ovulation, waiting for 2 weeks to test for pregnancy, waiting for AF if the test was negative, again waiting for ovulation etc was way too much to handle and involved too much of waiting. It practically was like waiting for sun up and sun down, nothing else. I hated how I was waiting on everything, My life was on a complete pause. Everything and anything revolved around having a baby. For instance, once I had gone for a body massage, I told the therapist not to massage my stomach hoping I would be pregnant and I didn’t want anything going wrong that would stop implantation from happening! I literally became physically inactive in the 2WW just because I was ‘trying’ to maximize my chances of conception! I was really going crazy and had brought my life to a complete stop just to be pregnant. I used to feel sad that I was wasting my life waiting for something I didn’t even know would ever happen to me or not. So, I signed up for the University of London International Program. I wanted to hold a Bachelors degree and not feel stupid among people who held their Masters or multiple bachelor degrees. It was time to help myself instead of sulking all the time. I began my independent studies at home since it was an online degree. I used to study for atleast 12 hours a day, it kept my mind off my sadness and now I started sleeping well again. I started waking up early and tried really hard to pass my exams with good grades. Although the intense studying was stressful for me, it was helping me to stay away from crying to sleep every night. At that point that was all that mattered to me; I wanted to remain sane.

Please continue to read what happened further down in 2014. More on that later.




The ups and downs from September – December 2012

I went to see a new fertility specialist for my IVF, we had heard lots of good reviews about him through family and friends. His name was Dr Pankaj Shrivastav and he worked at his private clinic in Sharjah, UAE. We used to reside in Dubai so it was an hour’s commute to get to his clinic, Conceive Gynaecology and Fertility Hospital. Dr Pankaj had helped my husband’s aunt conceive her twins 18 years ago after 13 years of marriage and he had also helped a family friend conceive his son 14 years ago after 10 years of marriage. I was really happy about these results and I had a feeling that Dr Pankaj will help me through too.

He saw our reports and wasn’t too sure about IVF yet because it hadn’t been a year yet since my husband and I started trying for a baby. I insisted on doing an IVF and I told him that my AF was due within a week and I wanted to attempt right away. I was impatient because I had always wanted to be a young mother. He got some tests done and sure enough my Insulin was very high because I wasn’t regular with my metformin. He put me on 3 metformins a day and callled me in on Day 2 of my cycle.

I was very excited because I just kept telling myself, “It will happen now. There is no way it shouldn’t happen now”. My faith in God had started to dwindle and I just knew my doctor will help me out of this 😦 I am not very proud about that feeling and I still regret my disbelief in my Lord.

AF surely did arrive on time and we started our IVF protocol. I was on the short protocol and so it was much quicker. Since it was our very first attempt, we were scared to administer the injections ourselves at home and we used to go all the way to a laboratory to do the injections. We were really naive at almost everything. I was ready for the ovulation shot within 12-14 days and the egg collection day arrived. We were really excited and just felt it was our turn to be parents. Since it was a short protocol, 7 eggs were collected and 5 got fertilized. The doctor met us before we left the clinic and he told us that the egg quality wasn’t great and he had decided to do ICSI for us instead of IVF. My heart sank a bit but since we really didn’t have much knowledge – we ignored the egg quality talk and went back home looking forward to our news.

We had a Day 2 transfer of 2 embryos and both were 2 cell, they should have been 4 cell that day. None of the other embryos had survived. Of course, these were terrible results but I still didn’t quite believe that it won’t happen – I always believed in miracles. Sure enough when we tested the Beta hCG, I wasn’t pregnant. It was a sad day for us but we were not ready to give up yet and I was determined more than ever to just be pregnant. We decided on doing round 2 of  ICSI that cycle and began looking forward to it so the sadness didn’t really last.

It was a short protocol again and we used to go to the laboratory everyday for the injections. We both regret those daily trips to the laboratory even today. It began to be stressful now since we had done the same just a few weeks before and it seemed like our daily routine now.

The egg collection day arrived finally and we had 10 eggs collected, 8 fertilized and again the doctor complained about the egg quality. I kept my faith in my Lord strong and went on to hope for the best. We had our transfer on Day 2 and this time we transferred 3 embryos. 2 of them were 2 cell and 1 was 4 cell. The 4 cell raised my spirit and gave me lots of hope. I believed in my miracle and started to wait to test the Beta hCG in 2 weeks.

2 weeks passed and we tested. My hCG levels were at 7. I was so naive that I was thrilled and so was my husband. We thought that our embryo had made it and we were pregnant now! We were absolutely delighted and I spoke to my doctor on the phone. He of course knew what my case was like so he clearly told me that it was going to be a chemical pregnancy. My heart sank when I heard that but I didn’t let myself get upset over it. I began to hope for the best and retested for my hcg levels after 2 days, it was at 9 now. I was happy that my baby was growing. At that point we didn’t know that the hcg is supposed to double every second day. We retested and the hcg was 11 now. I didn’t think it was going to end, a day later AF arrived and I was down in the dumps.

Stress is bad for fertility and I was too upset to handle my situation with peace. My determination to have a baby while we both were young was killing me and I was just not ready to give up. Sometimes I regret those feelings, I should have been confident about my future and kept myself and my husband stress free. Instead of a second ICSI, we should have gone on a holiday and relaxed ourselves and maybe the relaxed mind would have helped us more.

I should have had a proper protocol of vitamins and metformin for 3-5 months before attempting my first IVF. I just rushed into everything and it got me nothing. Now I was stressed and depressed more than ever

We decided to take a break from all the treatments for a while and take it slow – we reverted to trying normally. We were planning to move overseas in January 2013 so I began to pack up and kept myself distracted with that.


August 2012. Rather -Anxiety 2012.

Some of my acquaintances had married the year I got married and they had their first babies over the summer. Of course, social media helped me find out about the arrival of their babies and the very moment when I saw their pictures – I had a sudden feeling of sadness born inside me. It hit me very badly and every day I started wishing I would be pregnant. Becoming pregnant became the goal of my life. I didn’t ever have this sad state of mind. What happened to the cool me? Why did I suddenly start to feel my husband didn’t find me attractive anymore only because I was taking time to get pregnant? I started to feel depressed, anxious, nervous and lost my personality just behind the sudden new feeling of being ‘infertile’. Despite the bad feelings, I had my IVF booked for September so that gave me something to look forward to and be hopeful about.

Even though I wasn’t regular with my metformin yet, I started to lose some weight by now. From 54kgs, I became 52kgs. I was really happy I lost that bit of fat because I didn’t have much muscle anyway so I was happy about this bit of metformin.

May – July 2012: The answer to our infertility cause. Really?

We went to our fertility specialist in May 2012 and she asked for my husband’s sperm reports. He used to travel for his work every month so I guess due to the stress the reports didn’t seem good. Our specialist recommended IUI to us and we wanted to give it a try as soon as possible. I had my AF just a few days before the appointment so we had to just wait a week until ovulation and then go for the procedure.

We were thrilled at how easily it was working for us -the sperm issue had been identified so soon and it could be easily overcome with the IUI. We just felt very lucky and couldn’t wait to see a positive pregnancy test in 10 days time.

As exciting as it seemed, it wasn’t. I wasn’t pregnant and our hearts sank a bit but we were not ready to get depressed with the idea of not being pregnant, my husband and I were perfect warriors. We met up with our specialist again and started planning another round of IUI.

Our second IUI was in July 2012 and that also resulted in a BFN. We still weren’t hit by the news. My father in law suggested to do an IVF in September and as always we began looking forward to it.

I was very optimistic and full of energy. I used to laugh loudly, enjoy every moment and day of my life, eat whatever I wanted and not eat whatever I didn’t want to eat, sleep peacefully, chill with my friends, get ready and go out. It may seem odd why I am saying all this, right? Well, just a few months later I became a completely different person. The old me disappeared and even today I can’t find the old me after so many attempts to bring her back to life.

Will continue blogging about what happened next. Take care mates and enjoy your life till it lasts.

March – April 2012: A Baby step forward.

We finally went to see a doctor after missing AF for 3 months. Sure enough, I wasn’t pregnant and I had PCOs. The doctor prescribed Metformin 500mg thrice a day and some folic acid.

I didn’t realize what an enemy PCOs was to fertility. I began to read about it on the internet and I found some posts that were terrible and very few that gave hope. I began crying after I read the terrible ones from people who didn’t conceive until years 😦

Then I came across posts by women who took Clomid and Metformin and conceived! I was relieved! So without talking to my doctor, I started Clomid (We dont need prescriptions where I live).

I took Clomid without reading how many days it was to be taken for and on what cycle day! Can you imagine how naive I was? I was lucky enough that I started it on Day 2 of my cycle and on Day 6 I just went to see my gynecologist for a general follow up. When I told her I have started Clomid, she was shocked that I was still taking it on cycle day 6! She made me stop it immediately and called me back in on cycle day 11. After doing a transvaginal scan, she gave me an Ovidrelle shot and within a few days my husband and I were busy. I had to use progesterone suppositories post ovulation twice a day to increase chances of implantation since PCOs patients are deficient on progesterone hormone.

At the end of the cycle, I had my period and I wasn’t pregnant. We were upset but were very positive and kept going on and enjoying life.

We gave Clomid another two rounds but I wasn’t pregnant. Again and again.

When I started to take Clomid and Metformin, I used to get terrible headaches and started to have a lot of hair loss. The hair loss and the bit that I had to take my medication regularly like an adult at the age of 21, used to depress me a lot but I used to cheer up myself by thinking of a positive pregnancy test and healthy baby.

I have a few regrets that I would like others to know about so that they avoid the mistakes that I made. First of all, as soon as we started trying for a baby, I had stopped working out thinking that working out will stop implantation from happening. It is a very common myth! Please don’t stop exercising when trying to conceive – you may exercise less aggressively post ovulation but before ovulation you can work out as much as you can. Especially PCOs patients, we have to work out regularly to balance our hormones, only Metformin doesn’t help. Exercising has been proven to reduce stress, ward off anxiety and depression, boost self-esteem and improve sleep. If you think about it this closely, exercise rather improves fertility and increases chances of conception. Secondly, I had very bad eating habits, I used to munch on crisps and chocolates – another extremely bad thing I was doing to my insulin resistant body! Not only that, I used to drink only 700-80oml of water daily. Ideally, I should have been drinking at least 2 liters of water daily. To sum it up, I was a horrible mess. I had no idea what I was doing to myself and I was not worried about my PCOs at all, I had seen people get pregnant every now and then. I also learnt that most women of Asian descent have polycystic ovaries and Asia is the most populated continent. Another regret that I have is I used to be very irregular with Metformin when I started taking it. Sometimes I used to forget to take it because I was never on any medication on a regular basis and sometimes due to the headaches and dizziness, I used to skip some pills. I was taking one Metformin a day instead of the 3 a day prescribed by my doctor. What a sad case I made 😦

We were young so we were impatient also. So we booked an appointment with a fertility specialist although it had only been 6-7 months since we started trying! But today I am glad that we were impatient otherwise I would have never fully diagnosed my condition which I finally did in 2015, more on that bit later.

Sending courageous thoughts to all of you!

January 2012 – The Lost Period

We decided to try again as soon the period was over. We tracked ovulation and again the same process. 14 days post ovulation, I didn’t have my period again – this time for 3 whole months!

We had tested 4 days past AF was due but it was negative and we kept testing. The response was always negative and I kept reading posts on Babycenter that were posted by women who were testing negative and weren’t getting their period for months. All of us seemed to be on the same boat and unluckily, none of the women visited a doctor to get a diagnosis and neither did I. I felt I was pregnant and every little twinge and pain was regarded by me as my pregnancy symptom. How naive and what a daydreamer!

Then when it had been three months since missing my period and being confused about where it had disappeared suddenly, I finally went to a doctor.

3D printed ovaries makes infertile mice give birth!

I was surfing the internet today when this article about 3D printed ovaries came up! I was just amazed with the idea! Just a cheerful and positive post to make us all feel that miracles happen everyday!

Enjoy reading 🙂

Biologists just made infertile mice fertile again by giving them 3D printed ovaries




2011 -The year we were ready and excited

Our first anniversary arrived in July 2011 and we were still having a great time and the thought of having a baby still didn’t cross our minds. Then in November that year we went to a resort to spend the weekend, just away from home. There we felt like we should start a family. On our way home, We stopped at a pharmacy and bought an ovulation prediction kit (OPK). I had always tracked my cycle so I had an idea that I was near my ovulation days. We started testing and within a few days the Clear blue test showed a  🙂 positive for ovulation and we were absolutely delighted! I mean why wouldn’t we be, right? Relaxing weekend, positive OPK. I thought to myself at that moment ‘Making a baby is so simple’ and I started to think about my pregnancy days because I didn’t know how difficult it can sometimes get to become pregnant. Why did I believe pregnancy to occur for us so quickly?Of course because I was only 21 yet and I possibly couldn’t think of a reason other than the age factor to affect a woman’s fertility. In my opinion, infertility occurred after the age of 35. I was also careless enough to think like that maybe because I had just recently left university and my friends who were of my age, fell pregnant without knowing and trying for a baby.

We tried that cycle and began to wait to test 14 days post ovulation. My period didn’t arrive! I always had a 30 day cycle and not a month had I ever missed. I tested happily and to my shock it was negative. I kept myself calm because I had read on the leaflet that a negative test can be retested a few days later. I started to read forums on ‘negative pregnancy tests that turned out to be positive tests within a few days’. Surely, when we search the internet on a particular topic we find too much content related to our search’s direction. If I had searched ‘negative pregnancy test and missed period’ sure enough I would have met with lots of posts from PCOs patients. Anyhow, I retested 2 days later and still negative. I decided to go to my Dr out of general excitement for a pregnancy surprise. The Dr made a scan and she said that she couldn’t find any sign of early pregnancy and that she saw a dark patch which possibly looked like period blood and my period would arrive in a day or two. My heart sank but I still felt that it was too early to rule out a pregnancy because my period was never late and it was the month that we had tried and the period went missing. So surely, I told myself to remain positive and have faith.

Then next morning, my period arrived. I bled a lot more than usual, I bled heavy clots. Sorry for the details. I cried with pain and couldn’t tolerate it at all. I went to the Dr again and she prescribed Voltaren suppositories to ease the pain. At that point I was not hurt yet by not falling pregnant. I knew that it was the first attempt and it took around 3-6 attempts for healthy couples to fall pregnant.

The 5 day delay in period didn’t ring any bells for us. We were too aloof to worry about it yet. A delay in period is a sign of disturbed hormones or some trouble saved for the future. Today after knowing the real cause of my infertility, I feel I had an early chemical pregnancy in my very first attempt.

Stay tuned to find out what happened further down the road. Thanks