It was my younger sister’s wedding after new years 2015 so I traveled to meet my family and stayed with them for the wedding. I had a truly wonderful time after the longest while of sadness in all the years before. Asian weddings last for more than 10 days so I enjoyed dressing up and getting my hair made at the salon. I didn’t bother about my hair loss because I wanted my hair to look good in the pictures ha ha and also because worrying about hair loss never helped me so for once I wanted to forget about it. Once again I looked truly happy in my pictures and the smile I had was not fake unlike the times I pulled fake smiles for pictures during the years when I was miserable from my infertility shock.
Even today when I scroll through my pictures of the time we were newly married, I can’t imagine how happy and relaxed I was. I really want to be as happy as I used to be and smile with inner happiness and contentment but I guess it is too much to ask for when battling with feelings of incompletion due to infertility.
It was a blissful occasion for my entire family and those 2 weeks that I spent with my family laughing, chit chatting, dancing and making arrangements for my sister’s big day were like a pure detox treatment for me. I had never stayed at my parents place after getting married but that trip made me realize what a wonderful blessing I had missed on by not staying at their place for the last 5 years.
Getting decked up for the events made me feel beautiful once again and my husband also praised me over how I looked and I was simply overjoyed.
I was very busy and occupied with the wedding that I barely got any chance to sit free and think about my ovulation dates and blah blah for once. I was still on the herb Vitex and I used to insert Cyclogest suppositories for the first 10 days after ovulation.
After I returned home, I was a bit queasy for a day or two but I didn’t pay attention to it because I was tired from the wedding. Then I had a beautiful dream. I dreamt I had a baby in my arms and in the dream itself I couldn’t believe that the baby in my arms was mine so I would try and wake my baby up again and again to hear his/her sounds! I woke up instantly and very randomly made a pregnancy test. I didn’t expect much anyway because it had only been a week since my ovulation, sure enough it was negative. Later that day I looked at the pregnancy test again and to my surprise – IT HAD TWO LINES!! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!
I was thrilled and shocked. I had never seen a positve pregnancy test ever, not even from my treatments and this was a BFP from just taking a cheap herb! Where was this beautiful herb all these years when I was doing those expensive painful treatments??
I was a bit scared about a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage because I had heard about lots of people conceiving after years of trying and then miscarrying in their later months. Anyhow I trusted my Lord and His blessing and kept my faith strong. I was extremely happy and couldn’t wait until my 6 week scan.
It had been 10 days to my positive result and I was nearly 5 weeks and a few days when AF arrived. I was devastated and I knew it was the end. This was my second chemical pregnancy but just having become pregnant naturally gave me lots of hope for conceiving naturally in the future.