My husband had told me to buy a lot of First Response tests from London so we could test from Day 6 post transfer. We tested on the morning of day 6 and within a minute a very nice line popped up next to the control line! YES! BFP and so soon! This had to be it! After years of disappointment, heartbreak, drugs, painful treatments and almost run out of our bank balance – our savior had made it and had fought well with my cytokines. We were over the moon and after such a long time we were genuinely happy. My husband started to rub my tummy and I felt super lucky and loved. I just couldn’t wait for the next 8 months and 3 days to pass for my baby’s arrival! image


We decided to retest the next morning and  the line appeared a bit lighter – we were really concerned. It became dark and dull for me again – but I tried to keep my hope and faith strong in my Lord telling myself this is a strong embryo – everything will be fine. Then we made another test on Day 8 and it was even lighter. I was disturbed and had a bad feeling about it. The mother always knows first. I just had to try and be patient.image



I made another test on Day 8 later in the day and it was even lighter. 😦 My husband did all sorts of research and lots of people on the internet had stories of super faint lines that went on to become healthy pregnancies. Some people didn’t even have two lines until they missed a period and some didn’t have two lines until 8 weeks of pregnancy! Some people even went on to say that the further their pregnancy progressed – their lines became lighter because the HCG was too high for the test to detect properly! So the internet has lots of stories depending on what you type in the google bar – we weren’t going to have a story like those people – my child was gonna go away and I would have to wait to miscarry. I just knew it, I was the mother.


The unlabeled and lighter tests are from Day 9 and Day 10 post transfer. Day 9 being in the middle and Day 10 being on the top most. Notice the lines getting lighter. Yes, we were going to have a chemical pregnancy. 😦

The entire night I kept talking to my baby amidst all the beautiful symptoms I was feeling. “Oh baby, if only I could save you – I would do it. But you’re not meant to be. It’s our Lord’s decision and plan and I can’t question it. Know that I love you and you made my life amazing be it for a few days only”. I had intense nausea, leg cramps, breast heaviness, cravings for soup etc etc. I had really enjoyed those strong symptoms. It was my first ever strong chemical pregnancy – my other chemical pregnancies didn’t give me as many symptoms as this one maybe because I have weak eggs and this pregnancy was from donor egg and hence a stronger pregnancy.

From now on my blog won’t be backdated. I shall post more regarding my feelings and struggle while I make attempts to have my baby. When you cant give up…


FET May 2016 – Summers are a blessing

I reached London on the 4th of May 2016, it was a lovely day and finally the weather was not as cold as it used to be when I used to travel there earlier. I have attached a scene from the Marble Arch, everyone is enjoying the sunny day and chilling by the fountain.



I had traveled to London a few days before my FET because I had to do my LIT. I also wanted to spend some time with my sister so we had a few good days going around the city and then we also went for a 30 minute foot and leg massage at Nails and Brows on Berkeley street. It was so relaxing and soothing that it made feel very calm after the massage especially because all the drugs, treatments and fights make me so anxious and worried all the time  – I really needed a break from all the thoughts and worries. This is a picture of the gorgeous serene salon.


I also did some shopping for my little one – now my collection is growing 🙂 These colorful toys really do brighten up my day and I have put them right up front in my wardrobe because they make me smile and give me lots of hope.


My embryo transfer was on the 10th of May and I traveled back home the very next day – I wanted to spend the 2WW with my husband at home, relaxing and cuddling unlike the Jan FET where we both were away from each other and at times it used to get pretty lonely for both of us.

Following is a picture of my little embryo swimming in there. Mamma LOVES you little one. I hope you come soon and brighten our lives. Go and don’t let the cytokines hurt you in your playground. Your mama has been fighting with her own body to have you. She loves you that much.





Drug overload .. Druglord!

This is just a picture of my Morning pills, this is what happens when you are on a reproductive immunology treatment. It includes:

  1. Metformin 500mg (I takt this thrice a day for my PCOs)
  2. Pregnacare for conception (Yeah you all can see the big brown magical pill)
  3. Prednisolone 40 mg
  4. Omega 3 1000 mg
  5. Vitamin D 5000 I.U
  6. Hydroxychloroquine 200 mg\
  7. Baby Asprin ( I have been taking this since January 2015 based on my own internet research)
  8. Folic acid 5 mg

The picture does not include my clexane shot, my 2 other metformin pills and hydroxychloroquine 200 mg for the day!

I take all the Prednisolon with my breakfast so that I don’t have trouble sleeping at night and become what I call – PREDNINSOMNIAC. ha ha

Cant believe I am the same person who was crying over the 3 daily metformins in 2012 (when they first started). May my Lord ease my difficulty and help me in passing my test of life.


The Targeted Immune approach by Dr. Gorgy

Upon reaching back home, my husband and I had a bleak day. All looked too gloomy and we felt we were super unlucky when it came to the baby making job. We didn’t know what to do, the immunes were just not giving me a break -instead of lowering they just kept getting stronger. From TNF alpha being at 40 in March 2015, after all the efforts in 2015, it had risen to 47 in Jan 2016. I was doomed.

We were growing older and my immune was growing stronger – a combination we didn’t need to get a healthy baby!

My husband did a lot of research on fertility friends and he finally found a new way out. A lot of couples who didn’t conceive for years, had a laparoscopy and they conceived naturally afterwards. We decided to give it a go too – we had ignored having a laparoscopy done and we had jumped onto fertility treatments one after the other. Maybe it was this one thing that we really needed.

We had my laparoscopy done within the next few days and the results were all clear. There were no inflammations found inside me and turned out I really didn’t need to get it done. However, we were glad we finally had it done and it was out of the way now.

Although we should have been happy about the laparoscopy results coming out great – we weren’t. We had a huge fight over it coming out all clear! We were really desperate to have a baby anyhow and we believed that I had endometriosis which was causing all the treatments to fail. Not having found endometriosis was a bad thing for us because we didn’t have a problem to cure that was preventing us from having our baby! How sad had we become! The same ghost of marrying a second time was back on my husband’s head. I was shattered.

Due to all the fights, the plan that Dr Gorgy had for me was ignored. When I had seen him in London after my failed FET, he had advised me to have an IVIG the following month and repeat a cytokines test. We were just too lost and angry to continue any further treatment.

Then again when my husband saw all the bruises on my body from the LIT and clexane shots, he felt pity and sympathy for me and felt he couldn’t abandon me and especially because I was doing anything and everything for us – It wouldn’t be fair to leave me in the middle of nowhere at such a young age.

We had a telephone conversation with Dr Gorgy because we felt only doing IVIG wasn’t helping me. So he advised me to take hydroxychloroquine 200 mg twice a day, Vitamin D 5000 I.U daily (for my vitamin D deficiency – even Vitamin D deficiency can cause immunes to spike and stop implantation from happening) and to administer 1 IVIG or intralipid infusion and then retest my cytokines.

After 1 month of hydroxychloroquine and 2 weeks after my intralipid infusion (IVIG is too expensive to be done all the time) – I retested my cytokines and they were still at 47! I was literally doomed and hopeless! We had read lots of success stories about hydroxychloroquine doing wonders for women and it had even enabled a woman to have a baby after 20 miscarriages but I was just the unluckiest infertile patient ever!

I had a telephone appointment with DR. Gorgy and he set me up on a rigorous new plan:

  1. Humira shot 1
  2. 2 weeks later Humira shot 2
  3. 10 days later 1 IVIG
  4. Test cytokines 3 weeks days later
  5. 2 LIT sessions in between all this
  6. Hydroxychloroquine 200 mg twice daily

This was a very intense plan and I immediately started on it. It took me 7 weeks to complete it from March -April.

I had to travel to London just for LIT between this time period, God bless my husband for bearing all the expenses and my sister for being so welcoming and caring always. When I was in London for my LIT, my sister advised me to just go for 1 cupping session. Cupping was an old religious way to healing used by the prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and it cleans the toxic blood from our bodies making medicines work on our bodies better. It makes the body feel extremely relaxed and pure after the session. I decided to give it a go – maybe the hydroxychloroquine would work better on me after the toxic blood was out of me. So i gave it a go and I felt amazing after the session – I had had massages done in brilliant spas in the past and they hadn’t been as soothing as this 40 pound session of just 20 minutes! The doctor at the cupping place sincerely advised me on my diet. Although I had been on the gluten free and sugar free diet since May 2015 – It wasn’t really a perfect diet that I was following. For instance, I was eating rice daily and no bread but I wasn’t concentrating on what rice I was eating! I was having white rice which is loaded with sugar! I should have been taking brown rice and that would be perfect for a gluten free sugar free claimed diet.Secondly, I was consuming red meat on a daily basis (I was doing this for a protein rich diet, I had stopped taking chicken since a few years ever since I found out I had PCOs because commercial farms inject tonnes of hormones into chickens ). Red meat can cause severe inflammations in the body – this was possibly making my immunes go higher and I wasn’t realizing! The doctor advised me start a vegetable and lentil based diet and to stop eating red meat so much. Then she also advised me to control my dairy consumption! When I was on my IVF protocol with the ARGC, they had advised me to drink 1 litre of milk and 3-4 litres of water daily. This amount of dairy consumption made me gain some healthy weight and overall my hair and skin became amazing. I loved this new bit in me after years of weight loss, hair loss and dullness of skin due to the all fertility drugs, treatments and depression. I had continued this regime ever since October 2015 and it was March 2016 – it was all clear as to why my immunes kept going higher even though I was on so many infusions and drugs to lower them! Diet is really important, I cannot stress it enough!

So basically I had only been boasting and fooling around thinking I was on a gluten free and sugar free diet! My diet was basically loaded with gluten and sugar containing foods without knowing. I was such a bad mess. I started a pure diet now, vegetable and protein based. No more white rice and no milk, cheese, butter whatsoever. 3 litres of water daily (big achievement for me because I could barely drink 1.5 litres until a year ago). Lots of almonds and walnuts. Fatty fish twice a week. Lots of lentils for protein and only brown rice at all times.

Dr Gorgy wanted me to have an embryo transfer in the cycle as soon as this protocol was completed. He also advised me to start Prednisolon 40 mg and Clexane 40 mg daily from day 5 of my cycle then on day 7 to have another IVIG infusion.

Too many expenses and medicines were blasted upon us. he he.

Finally the protocol was completed and I was all set to retest my cytokines. Some issue happened at the laboratory and my blood was not able to be checked for the cytokines! So we just decided to ignore the testing for now and go ahead with the transfer. AF arrived and so began the estrogen pills, clexane, prednisolone for the FET scheduled in May 2016.I did IVIG infusion on day 7 as instructed and I was ready for London all over again to bring my baby back home.




Meeting with my angel – January 2016!

I traveled to London for my FET after New years 2016, my transfer was scheduled for the 2nd week of January.

My husband didn’t want me to worry myself with any immune treatment and just wanted me to go ahead with the transfer with full faith in my Lord. However, my doctor at LWC (London Women’s Clinic), Dr Lamanna, put me on Prednisolone 20 mg, Clexane 20 mg, baby Aspirin and she also wanted me to do 1 IVIG infusion a week before my transfer.

When I reached London a week before my transfer, the HFEA had not yet responded to Dr Lammana’s request to administer my IVIG and we started running out of time. The LWC itself doesn’t offer immune treatments hence the healthcare at home had to be requested for the infusion. I for the first time ever was calm and didn’t panic – I wasn’t up for the IVIG anyway because the ARGC had really got me nothing despite the immune treatment that I did for almost an entire year.

I was enjoying an omelette at Cote brasserie near Harley street when my phone rang and it was a nurse from the LWC. She was calling to tell me that they had arranged my IVIG infusion for the next day at Dr Gorgy’s! Wow! Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that at such short notice will I get to see the famous Dr Gorgy and that too with none of my efforts – all efforts were made by my clinic and its staff! I can’t praise those guys enough. They really went out of their way to help me even without me asking for their help.

I met up with Dr Gorgy, my angel, the next morning and he made me do several tests that I had never even heard of before. He made me test for Thrombophilia, KIR receptors, anti cardiolopins, a vaginal swab test for infections and the th1/th2 cytokines. Out of this entire list I only knew about the TH1 TH2 test! He was very straight forward with me. He told me that it was a bit late for me to see him just 5 days ahead of my FET and my husband hadn’t even traveled with me for the transfer so we couldn’t test for our DQ alphas and my LAD. His suggestion to me was to make the tests that were possible at that time and side by side do all the treatments that he had to offer within the next 2 days!

I was OVERWHELMED by this Dr’s knowledge and didn’t know beforehand that I would be bombarded with so much knowledge. I spent thousands of pounds and made all the tests. The results were due within 2-3 days but Dr Gorgy wanted me to do all the treatments regardless of the result outcomes.

He suspected me to have a high TNF ratio due to my past results of 2015 – so I had to do IVIG.

He suspected me to have a DQA match with my husband and a low LAD result for which he wanted me to do LIT. He booked me for that for 2 days later.

Finally, he suspected me not to have all the receptors that enable the embryo to implant – so he wanted me to do a neupogen wash that very day!

My husband kept calling me from back home, he wanted to know all about the appointment. He had no idea what I had been bombarded with. I had no time for anything but to make sure my neupogen wash got done before Dr Gorgy left the clinic, which was in less than 30 mins!

I had to RUN! The neupogen wash was available at a pharmacy 2 miles away and I didn’t know the exact location of the pharmacy so I had to  manage between running fast and looking around! Being of Asian descent running that long a distance was something I had never done asides in the gym and that too  with a relaxed state of mind – not with panic related to the clinic closing within 30 mins!

I ran and I ran.. that is when the incident of Hagar running for finding water for her crying son as mentioned in the Bible and Quran came to my mind. I realized at that moment how much the donor eggs meant to me and how much I was willing to do anything to have my future babies. I was finally satisfied with my heart’s honesty for my future babies 🙂

I found the neupogen and ran back to the clinic and was just back within 20 minutes of leaving! It was such a huge achievement for me that I still can’t believe today that I could run that fast when needed!

My neupogen wash was done that evening. I had an IVIG infusion the next day and the following day I had LIT. I was all set.

Dr Gorgy wanted me to delay my flight back home until my pregnancy test date and he wanted me to repeat IVIG and LIT if I tested positive to sustain my pregnancy.

We transferred 2 amazing blastocysts and I decided to stay until the test date. I had to. Those were really lonely days for my husband and sometimes for me too but I was staying at my sister’s so I had her company at least. I used to pass my time keeping myself busy with my sister’s house chores and keep myself calm and happy thinking about a positive test within the next couple of days. My sister took great care of me and we had a lovely time together.

In the meantime, my results for all the tests I had made kept coming out. I had all the KIR receptors – so I didn’t need the neupogen wash. My anticardiolipin results were normal. My vaginal swab test was normal. All was great. Until the TH1/TH2 results came out. My TNF Alpha was at 47! I was shocked and didn’t know what to do so I broke down into tears. I had been on a gluten free sugar free diet for more than  a year. I had done an IVIG just a week ago and I was still at 47! I had traveled all alone for my transfer and luck was not siding with me at all!

My husband tried to calm me down and told me this heartbreak was the reason why he didn’t want me to pay attention to the immune treatment much. He had just wanted me to transfer the embryos with a positive frame of mind and here I was in London without him – all worried and shattered.

I tested negative on the test day and I just broke down into tears in front of Dr Gorgy. I had tried so hard, I was so young , Why had I become so unlucky as my marriage progressed? He really tried to give me lots of hope and courage by showing me a picture of a woman he had cured and got her to have 3 babies after 13 IVF attempts! At that point I didn’t even feel like listening to any success stories because now I felt I was the unluckiest of all the infertile patients – when all the infertile couples finally got success in their 7th or 8th attempts, I wasn’t even close to their “Good luck”.

Dr Gorgy advised me to do another LIT session that afternoon and then travel back home. He wanted me to do another IVIG infusion after 10 days and then re test my cytokines. He wanted me to lower my cytokines to the normal fertility range and then come back for a FET ASAP.

I bought 2 IVIGs to take back home and traveled back with almost no hope and full of sadness.

WOWZERS. Mother at 70 after 46 years of trying!

This is just a post for my Miracles category for all of us. My sister sent me this link last night about a 70 year old Indian woman becoming a mother 46 years into her marriage! WOW. I have attached a link of this news and I was truly amazed at this couple’s courage, hope and belief in God. 46 years of waiting is not a joke and we all, members of the ‘waiting for a miracle’ group tend to have our bumpy days and get depressed. Please keep yourselves happy and positive. Miracles happen everyday and they happen in the most dire of conditions – that’s why they are called Miracles.

Good things our way. After years and years.

Our donor started stimulation mid December and there was not a moment I would not think about her and pray for her health and well being – she was giving us our lives back and that was the very least I could do for my angel, my saviour.

She had her egg collection a day before Christmas 2015 and then began the dreaded wait for the embryos to become blastocysts! It was not all flowery and rainbows to be with a donor –  the fear of her backing out was always there and then the 5 day wait for the embryos to grow well.

On day 5 post egg collection the embryologist called us to give the great news of 5 blastocysts! We were thrilled! We had finally become lucky and things were going in our favor.

It was my husband’s 35th birthday in 2 days and we decided to celebrate our happiness! It had been years we had stopped celebrating every occasion in our lives and suddenly we felt like celebrating. The blastocyst news brought so much bliss into our lives that we hosted a lovely birthday dinner at home preparing for it within 2 days only. It was joyous night for us, we decorated the house with balloons and tree lights,  organised games and gave give aways! I had lost all my spirit over the years which I finally felt was back in me that day – it was phenomenal.image

This is just a joyous picture of the giveaways we gave to our friends.

Not to forget, I received my period a day before the party so the day of the party I had to go for my Day 2 scan to get the go ahead for starting the estrogen pills for my frozen embryo transfer! Yes , what a busy and happening day! The scans were amazing and as soon as I got them from my local doctor, I had to email them to LWC to get their go ahead. They replied within 10 mins! wow! Imagine what would the ARGC have done instead. Make me wait for 10 days?

So my estrogen pills started and I booked a flight to my favorite city on Earth, London. After 10 days I had travel to London and get my baby home. 😀