Meeting with my angel – January 2016!

I traveled to London for my FET after New years 2016, my transfer was scheduled for the 2nd week of January.

My husband didn’t want me to worry myself with any immune treatment and just wanted me to go ahead with the transfer with full faith in my Lord. However, my doctor at LWC (London Women’s Clinic), Dr Lamanna, put me on Prednisolone 20 mg, Clexane 20 mg, baby Aspirin and she also wanted me to do 1 IVIG infusion a week before my transfer.

When I reached London a week before my transfer, the HFEA had not yet responded to Dr Lammana’s request to administer my IVIG and we started running out of time. The LWC itself doesn’t offer immune treatments hence the healthcare at home had to be requested for the infusion. I for the first time ever was calm and didn’t panic – I wasn’t up for the IVIG anyway because the ARGC had really got me nothing despite the immune treatment that I did for almost an entire year.

I was enjoying an omelette at Cote brasserie near Harley street when my phone rang and it was a nurse from the LWC. She was calling to tell me that they had arranged my IVIG infusion for the next day at Dr Gorgy’s! Wow! Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that at such short notice will I get to see the famous Dr Gorgy and that too with none of my efforts – all efforts were made by my clinic and its staff! I can’t praise those guys enough. They really went out of their way to help me even without me asking for their help.

I met up with Dr Gorgy, my angel, the next morning and he made me do several tests that I had never even heard of before. He made me test for Thrombophilia, KIR receptors, anti cardiolopins, a vaginal swab test for infections and the th1/th2 cytokines. Out of this entire list I only knew about the TH1 TH2 test! He was very straight forward with me. He told me that it was a bit late for me to see him just 5 days ahead of my FET and my husband hadn’t even traveled with me for the transfer so we couldn’t test for our DQ alphas and my LAD. His suggestion to me was to make the tests that were possible at that time and side by side do all the treatments that he had to offer within the next 2 days!

I was OVERWHELMED by this Dr’s knowledge and didn’t know beforehand that I would be bombarded with so much knowledge. I spent thousands of pounds and made all the tests. The results were due within 2-3 days but Dr Gorgy wanted me to do all the treatments regardless of the result outcomes.

He suspected me to have a high TNF ratio due to my past results of 2015 – so I had to do IVIG.

He suspected me to have a DQA match with my husband and a low LAD result for which he wanted me to do LIT. He booked me for that for 2 days later.

Finally, he suspected me not to have all the receptors that enable the embryo to implant – so he wanted me to do a neupogen wash that very day!

My husband kept calling me from back home, he wanted to know all about the appointment. He had no idea what I had been bombarded with. I had no time for anything but to make sure my neupogen wash got done before Dr Gorgy left the clinic, which was in less than 30 mins!

I had to RUN! The neupogen wash was available at a pharmacy 2 miles away and I didn’t know the exact location of the pharmacy so I had to  manage between running fast and looking around! Being of Asian descent running that long a distance was something I had never done asides in the gym and that too  with a relaxed state of mind – not with panic related to the clinic closing within 30 mins!

I ran and I ran.. that is when the incident of Hagar running for finding water for her crying son as mentioned in the Bible and Quran came to my mind. I realized at that moment how much the donor eggs meant to me and how much I was willing to do anything to have my future babies. I was finally satisfied with my heart’s honesty for my future babies 🙂

I found the neupogen and ran back to the clinic and was just back within 20 minutes of leaving! It was such a huge achievement for me that I still can’t believe today that I could run that fast when needed!

My neupogen wash was done that evening. I had an IVIG infusion the next day and the following day I had LIT. I was all set.

Dr Gorgy wanted me to delay my flight back home until my pregnancy test date and he wanted me to repeat IVIG and LIT if I tested positive to sustain my pregnancy.

We transferred 2 amazing blastocysts and I decided to stay until the test date. I had to. Those were really lonely days for my husband and sometimes for me too but I was staying at my sister’s so I had her company at least. I used to pass my time keeping myself busy with my sister’s house chores and keep myself calm and happy thinking about a positive test within the next couple of days. My sister took great care of me and we had a lovely time together.

In the meantime, my results for all the tests I had made kept coming out. I had all the KIR receptors – so I didn’t need the neupogen wash. My anticardiolipin results were normal. My vaginal swab test was normal. All was great. Until the TH1/TH2 results came out. My TNF Alpha was at 47! I was shocked and didn’t know what to do so I broke down into tears. I had been on a gluten free sugar free diet for more than  a year. I had done an IVIG just a week ago and I was still at 47! I had traveled all alone for my transfer and luck was not siding with me at all!

My husband tried to calm me down and told me this heartbreak was the reason why he didn’t want me to pay attention to the immune treatment much. He had just wanted me to transfer the embryos with a positive frame of mind and here I was in London without him – all worried and shattered.

I tested negative on the test day and I just broke down into tears in front of Dr Gorgy. I had tried so hard, I was so young , Why had I become so unlucky as my marriage progressed? He really tried to give me lots of hope and courage by showing me a picture of a woman he had cured and got her to have 3 babies after 13 IVF attempts! At that point I didn’t even feel like listening to any success stories because now I felt I was the unluckiest of all the infertile patients – when all the infertile couples finally got success in their 7th or 8th attempts, I wasn’t even close to their “Good luck”.

Dr Gorgy advised me to do another LIT session that afternoon and then travel back home. He wanted me to do another IVIG infusion after 10 days and then re test my cytokines. He wanted me to lower my cytokines to the normal fertility range and then come back for a FET ASAP.

I bought 2 IVIGs to take back home and traveled back with almost no hope and full of sadness.

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Author: When You Cant Give Up

Its been 4 and a half years since my first attempt to have a baby, still going on with little success a long the way. I have done 4 Clomid rounds, 4 IUI's, 6 ICSI's and a couple of herbal remedies. Despite the heartbreak and pain, I am not willing to stop trying harder. Deep inside I feel that our bundle of joy will come sooner or later if I remain patient and continue to tweak my treatment after every failed attempt. This feeling has stopped me from giving up and brought me so far so soon. Hence, I call my blog "When you cant give up".

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