My husband had told me to buy a lot of First Response tests from London so we could test from Day 6 post transfer. We tested on the morning of day 6 and within a minute a very nice line popped up next to the control line! YES! BFP and so soon! This had to be it! After years of disappointment, heartbreak, drugs, painful treatments and almost run out of our bank balance – our savior had made it and had fought well with my cytokines. We were over the moon and after such a long time we were genuinely happy. My husband started to rub my tummy and I felt super lucky and loved. I just couldn’t wait for the next 8 months and 3 days to pass for my baby’s arrival!
We decided to retest the next morning and the line appeared a bit lighter – we were really concerned. It became dark and dull for me again – but I tried to keep my hope and faith strong in my Lord telling myself this is a strong embryo – everything will be fine. Then we made another test on Day 8 and it was even lighter. I was disturbed and had a bad feeling about it. The mother always knows first. I just had to try and be patient.
I made another test on Day 8 later in the day and it was even lighter. 😦 My husband did all sorts of research and lots of people on the internet had stories of super faint lines that went on to become healthy pregnancies. Some people didn’t even have two lines until they missed a period and some didn’t have two lines until 8 weeks of pregnancy! Some people even went on to say that the further their pregnancy progressed – their lines became lighter because the HCG was too high for the test to detect properly! So the internet has lots of stories depending on what you type in the google bar – we weren’t going to have a story like those people – my child was gonna go away and I would have to wait to miscarry. I just knew it, I was the mother.
The unlabeled and lighter tests are from Day 9 and Day 10 post transfer. Day 9 being in the middle and Day 10 being on the top most. Notice the lines getting lighter. Yes, we were going to have a chemical pregnancy. 😦
The entire night I kept talking to my baby amidst all the beautiful symptoms I was feeling. “Oh baby, if only I could save you – I would do it. But you’re not meant to be. It’s our Lord’s decision and plan and I can’t question it. Know that I love you and you made my life amazing be it for a few days only”. I had intense nausea, leg cramps, breast heaviness, cravings for soup etc etc. I had really enjoyed those strong symptoms. It was my first ever strong chemical pregnancy – my other chemical pregnancies didn’t give me as many symptoms as this one maybe because I have weak eggs and this pregnancy was from donor egg and hence a stronger pregnancy.
From now on my blog won’t be backdated. I shall post more regarding my feelings and struggle while I make attempts to have my baby. When you cant give up…