Baby Mohammad is 2 months old today.

Happy New Year my lovelies! 

2017 was a brilliant year for me and my husband and with the birth of our child it became even better.

Baby Mohammad is 2 months old today (posting a week late today) and I cannot believe HOW time flew and I managed to get through.

First, he is a great baby. He doesnt fuss too much. He will be happy at all times. Rather, he gave me his first smile when he was as little as just 1 week old in November 2017. However my child doesnt latch onto me. He latched for 3 hours as soon as he was born but there was no colostrum and so my baby became super hungry and cried BADLY. We sent him off to the nursery the very night he was born to be fed formula. πŸ˜“

I didnt know at that time that my breastfeeding journey would be difficult aswell after having faced a 6 year long infertility struggle. When I was pregnant I was so ready to breastfeed and had just bought a few bottles to use for outings etc. However, I had to order more bottles as we got home and my baby is completely bottle fed.

My mom had not come for my delivery and hence I was more confused than ever and didnt know how to handle the situation. My husband had the idea to buy me a breast pump so that the colostrum would flow out as after the 1st latch immediately after being born, he would cry on just smelling my boob. It would be HORRENDOUS. 

I tried a lot to get him to latch and when he was 2 weeks old I made him cry as much as he could and forced him to latch. He just wouldnt. I didnt give up and kept him on the boob forcefully and kept squeezing milk out and yet the child wouldnt latch and cried louder and louder. I feel bad for all that. It was traumatic but I wanted to help us and I wanted to make him latch as I was always pumping while our caretaker would hold him or bottle feed him. My supply was nil to be honest. It would depress me a lot and not being able to hold him depressed me even more and I can say I went through postpartum depression. I would cry everyday seeing my baby and when I would finally be able to hold him, his 5 pound weak body would make me cry even more.
I still cannot forget how tiny and weak he was and how much he cried when I forced him to latch. I cannot just get over it. After that traumatic incident I felt for 1 whole hour my child was breathing quickly and was scared by me. So I decided to stop forcing him to latch despite all the stupid pressure put on me from all my aunts and my crazy mother in law (who has come since I delivered and even after 2 whole months of staying with us has no plans of traveling back home πŸ˜“).

My mother in law has not been of any help rather her presence forced me into deeper depression as my husband would spend time with his mom while I would just be locked up in my room pumping a very low supply out. She would stare in my expressed milk bottles and panic “omg such less milk” “omg blah blah”. To summarise, crazy lady made me crazier and I didnt enjoy the new mommy phase at all. I regret but I blame my husband for having her over for so long and for not giving me any time and just being aloof of all that I was facing.

2 weeks after birth I broke down and told him about my situation since clearly somebody was too lost spending time with their mom.

After that he became better and gave me lots of help. However, the supply is still a big issue and baby latches sometimes. He started to ask for the boob himself and sometimes nurses for 20 mins in the day, sometimes 40 mins and sometimes just 5 mins in the day. Sometimes Not at all.

I am just expressing and trying my level best. I have power pumped to increase my supply but still I only manage 14 ounces a day and the rest is formula.

I have ordered these supplements and have started them today. I HOPE they help and my expressing journey will become a lot easier with the increase in supply.

Mohammad has started sleeping longer at nights and since 2 weeks he is just waking up twice at night. I will bottle feed him , change his diaper and put him to sleep than I express. Then I sleep. My husband is always around to help. Sometimes he bottle feeds while I pump. Sometimes he bottle feeds while I nap and then he wakes me up to burp him and change his diaper. I LOVE my husband for all his help. 

I really wish my child latches as I really want to have this ‘mommy son time’ but so far I havent been lucky enough. Infertility broke my heart and now this.

My son’s favorite time is massage time followed by a bath. He loves water going down his neck and usually just lifts his head up to reveal his neck more so that I can put water there. He looks so adorable especially because he waits patiently with his head lifted sideways for me to fill the jug up and pour on him. Sigh. I just want to cuddle him and be able to spend all my time with him and hate pumping milk especially because I dont carry him while I pump. I would love tips on pumping, so please feel free to bombard me. Tee hee
I have had lots of blocked ducts and lots of days where I would be in pain so once daily I use hot water bottles to compress my boob. I feel it helps.

At times I feel like breaking down and feel like a failure especially because I couldnt get him to latch onto me but then again I feel my child feels my depressed mood and gives me a huge smile which lits up my heart. He actually looks at me no matter where I am standing and will get my attention and beam a smile at me.

My husband says hes healthy so its not the end of the world if he doesnt latch. He says your difficult struggle with infertility has ended so this is a very petty issue. But I am ‘when you cant give up’ so I am finally going to see a lactation consultant after having cancelled 10 scheduled appointments since his birth for silly reasons.

I hope things work out for us and I hope I find sheer happiness and come out of this depressed state which hits me at times just because I dont get to be as much with my awaited child as I really want to be. For now I am grateful he is healthy and growing and I am able to pump 14 ounces for him.

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Author: When You Cant Give Up

Its been 4 and a half years since my first attempt to have a baby, still going on with little success a long the way. I have done 4 Clomid rounds, 4 IUI's, 6 ICSI's and a couple of herbal remedies. Despite the heartbreak and pain, I am not willing to stop trying harder. Deep inside I feel that our bundle of joy will come sooner or later if I remain patient and continue to tweak my treatment after every failed attempt. This feeling has stopped me from giving up and brought me so far so soon. Hence, I call my blog "When you cant give up".

35 thoughts on “Baby Mohammad is 2 months old today.”

  1. Congrats on Mohhamad being 2 months already!!

    I’m so sorry breastfeeding has been a struggle but you are doing such a great job of sticking with it despite the problems and that really is so truly amazing.

    I had supply issues too and they mostly started when Baby Bach slept longer, I learned I had to pump every 3 hours (sometimes 4 at night) to get my supply up, even if baby slept. Also I did a lot of hands on pumping, basically I treated my boobs like the last tube of toothpaste where you want to get every little bit out. And I didn’t set timers, i would take notice of how many let downs I would have and if it got to be 20 minutes in and I hadn’t had a let down recently I would wait for another one. I often pumped 25-30 minutes at a time. But once I kept this up my supply increased pretty continuously until it leveled out. Also, getting the larger size flanges really helped me out too, this may help with the clogs. I got those a lot too. They are no fun.

    Good luck mama, but you really are doing such an amazing job! You do whatever makes you happy. Baby is okay and will be just fine as long as he has his happy and healthy mama!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Congratulations on baby Mohammed! This is such a precious, long awaited time with your special boy and I hope breastfeeding gets easier for you so that you can enjoy it more. It sounds like you’re doing your best to pump as much as possible. A few questions .. so you have a good quality pump? That can make all the difference? Medela has a bra that the flanges fit into so that you can be hands free… This would help you to be free to feed Mohammed yourself whilst you pump. In terms of latching, my little girl really struggled. I used a nipple shield for 4 months and it was the only way she could latch. All of a sudden at 4 months her mouth was stronger and now she doesn’t need it. Apparently tongue ties can make latching difficult… Have you had Mohammed assessed?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much for your help. He doesnt have a tongue tie. I did get that checked.
      I use medela swing maxi
      And i am really looking into the bra! Thanks for your help!!! I need to buy it asap so i can hold him more. Thanks a lot ❀❀❀

      Like

  3. Pps. Apparently doing a lot of skin to skin can assist with latching… You put maybe on your chest, baby with only a diaper and you with no top on and you allow baby to find the nipple and latch himself. I think this might also really help you feel that you’re getting lovely bonding time with him as well and might improve your moodxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Congrats on the baby!! I am going thru the same things as you. I just had my girl about two weeks ago and breastfeeding has been the biggest struggle and I am also going thru the same thing with husband and my mom. One is not helping enough and the other is over eager but ended up saying the wrong thing like why you don’t have enough milk. I pump every two hours and trying lactation te and cookies everyday. I believe I am going thru postpartum depression too. So I can totally relate to you. I hope your situation gets better and better everyday!! Love you

    Liked by 1 person

  5. First of all, I’m glad to hear that you have such a happy and smiley baby!! He sounds absolutely precious!! I’m so happy that you finally have him to love and hold.
    Secondly, if you think you are suffering from postpartum depression, please see your dr! I had that with Truett and it was awful!! It did eventually go away but it was so annoying to me that it was just sucking the joy out of my time with my newborn.

    As far as milk supply and pumping, 14 ounces is actually not too bad!! Breastfed babies typically just take 2-4 ounces per meal since breastmilk changes in nutrition over time. Formula fed babies need more volume as the milk is not tailor made for their bodies. So, you may need to supplement with a few ounces of formula a day, but that’s OK!! As long as baby is fed and happy, don’t listen to any negativity about your milk supply. Pumping doesn’t yield as much as breastfeeding anyway, si chances are, your body is capable of making much more milk if your baby would latch. It sounds like he may have a physical issue keeping him from latching. My brother wouldn’t nurse and it turned out that his neck was out of alignment causing him to have trouble sucking. The chiropractor was able to fix him so he could latch and suck!! I have taken all my babies to the chiropractor within days of the birth. They are very gentle and the baby doesn’t mind the adjustment or cry. it is done differently on a baby than on an adult. That is one idea to explore, as well as tongue and lip ties.

    For pumping, do you do hands on pumping? I massage the milk downwards as I pump. I can’t pump as much if I don’t do this. I don’t get the milk out otherwise. Is your pump manual? I like the medela pump in style. I don’t know what is available to you there but you may need a better pump. Most hospitals in the states will rent a pump. Make sure your shields are big enough too! The lactation consultant should be your best friend as they can help you figure all this out.

    Blocked ducts… I have gotten these with all my babies. Typically it’s from sleeping on my side/belly and from not fully removing the milk during pumping/nursing. I have to always sleep on my back.

    Heat will help increase your supply. Hot compresses are good or standing in a warm shower with the water on your chest. Don’t sleep through any feedings! I’d recommend pumping 8 times a day and twice at night. Whether baby is getting a bottle or not, every time he eats, you should pump. Even just 1 side. That’s what I do. If baby gets a bottle, I pump 1 side. You can even give the baby his bottle while you pump if you have an electric pump!

    Skin contact with baby is awesome for supply!! Not to mention that it’s a great bonding opportunity!!

    Fenugreek, alfalfa, and oatmeal are my go tos for upping supply. Honestly, I think a nice bowl of oatmeal for breakfast or a few oatmeal cookies does more good than the herbs. Plus it’s tasty. πŸ™‚

    Hang in there!! You can do this! Even if you don’t end up having a good breastfeeding baby, you are still providing him with 14 ounces of breastmilk a day! That’s awesome!!! You are already doing great and he is happy and healthy. πŸ™‚ If it’s important to you that he gets breastmilk then I’d say you are on a great plan already and maybe with some minor changes you will even get to enjoy the process. But if you need to use formula, that’s OK too!! You are doing amazing either way. πŸ™‚

    Breastfeeding my first baby was so hard! He didn’t like nursing too well and he weaned himself at 10 months, which he was barely nursing anymore anyway. But he was a healthy and happy baby. πŸ™‚

    Let me know if you need to talk! I’m always here to listen if you need to vent or chat. We can always come up with more ideas to make this a better experience for you and baby! πŸ™‚ And I sincerely hope you mil goes home asap!! That has to be just awful having her hovering around. Don’t listen to her negativity about your supply etc. It’s not true at all!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your time and honest advice! Really means a lot.
      I have a medela swing maxi. And i finally started to pump 7-8 times as he turned 2 months. Now going on to 9-10, Lord willing will manage it.

      Thanks for making me feel great about the 14 ounces! You are the first one lol.
      I think i will revisit the issue of tongue and lip tie with the consultant. Thanks. Xx

      Also i would love to chat to get help from you. You are a very smart momma. I would certainly love to learn from you

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      1. Feel free to email me anytime! mrs.notes@yahoo.com

        I had never heard of the swing maxi. I went and looked it up online. It sounds like it’s probably a good pump. Some women do better with a hospital grade pump, but if you feel like it’s removing all the milk, I’d say it’s fine. πŸ™‚
        I’m so glad I could encourage you about the supply. I really do think 14 ounces is great, especially considering all the stress you have been under and all you have gone through. I hope you mil has gone home now so you can enjoy your baby in peace!

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  6. Oh, and also, I know I already wrote a book, but make sure you are removing the milk from your breasts often enough. Letting it build up and then pumping will actually decrease your supply. Pumping less but more frequently will help build your supply. I wouldn’t go more than 2-3 hours without pumping. Even if you just do 1 side. That might also help clear up those blocked ducts! I have been taking lecithin to lessen the chance of blockage and help move the milk through. It’s cheap and you can get it anywhere around here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So in the 1st month i would only pump noon onwards till midnight 😦 7 times in the day. Is that bad ? πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ

      And a few times i have missed my morning alarms as hes been colicy and kept me up till 3 am so i got mastitis the next day. This has happened a couple of times. πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ

      You think i can still up the supply??

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      1. I do think you can still up your supply!! The fact that you have persevered through mastitis shows that this is extremely important to you. I can understand that because after infertility, I was adamant that i didn’t want my body to rob me of the experience of providing milk for my baby. Ultimately, we just want our babies fed. But if this is what you really want to keep doing, I know you can do it!! I think you are already doing great. πŸ™‚

        They say that babies usually nurse 8-12 times a day. So I’d stick to pumping on the upper side of that. Pumping isn’t quite as effective, so I’d say aim for at least 10, if you can manage that. If not, don’t stress about it. You’re doing a great job!

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  7. This is actually going to be the unpopular opinion on here but there is NO SHAME in not breastfeeding. If formula works for your baby, then do that. Enjoy him, even if you aren’t feeding him from your breast. Other commenters have given you some tips and encouragement for continuing breastfeeding if that is what YOU want. I will give you some advice if you don’t.

    1. Breastmilk is awesome, it really is, its nutritious and helps with immunity. However, it is not magic. It will not make your son a good man. It will not make him loyal, kind or hardworking. It will not make him compassionate or a good friend.

    2. Just because you use a bottle, does not mean that you shouldn’t feed him. I would suggest that the only people to give him a bottle is you or your husband. And treat a bottle feed like a breast feed, get the bottle, go snuggle with your baby, get some skin to skin touch and feed him. Look into his eyes, take in his tiny details.

    3. Your mental health is more important than breastfeeding. Your son needs only 1 thing right now, and that is his mummy.

    4. Tell your husband to send his mother home. She isn’t helping. He needs to take responsibility for that.

    I breastfed for 3 weeks and after latch issues, blisters and a serious bout of mastitis (in which I was nearly hospitalised I was so seriously ill), I made the decison to use formula and bottles. I felt relief, I didn’t spend any of my precious time pumping and away from my son, I fed him with love and attention. He is now a healthy rambunctious toddler.

    Will i try and breastfeed my next baby (if I am lucky enough to even have one!!)? Yes. I will. But I will not drive myself to the brink to do so.

    Good luck in whatever you decide to do and please speak to someone about the PPD. Hope your husband steps up and protects his new family from his mother and sends her home 🀞

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for your time and advise.
      I also try my level best to give him the bottle but it wasnt possible with the pumping routine. Esp not in the start when the newborn feeds every 2 hrs.

      My husband used to give him the bottle when he would be back home but now he just runs away. I hate that. He just doesnt volunteer anymore and i hate it.

      I am glad you made a good decision for yourself and your son and made peace with your condition. I am also gonna just try my level best to come to terms with it. Thanks xx

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  8. I just want you to know that having BFeeding issues along with a terrible MIL would be a nightmare for anyone. So sorry. Your baby is happy and healthy so focus on that and get yourself in a good spot anyway you can. Ps- my three nieces were formula fed and are brilliant happy and so healthy! It really doesn’t matter unless it matters to YOU

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I’m not able to offer any breastfeeding advice but I’m glad to hear you have an appointment with a lactation specialist, I hope she’ll be able to help! Your husband needs to have a talk with his mother to tell her to be less critical and maybe tell her you need some time together without her for awhile! I hope that things can get better. So glad to hear the little guy is doing well, he sounds adorable. Be kind to yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think depression in general is misunderstood and ppd in particular… People who haven’t experienced think you can just use will power to change but it’s not that simple. I hope mil leaving is your answer and you feel better soon. Fyi… Women who have had infertility and IVF are more at risk for ppd.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your genuine concern. Really appreciate it. Yes i have had a tough ride with infertility. So for sure i was prone to it. I really do understand that i should talk about it. Ill tell my lactation consultant again about it so maybe she treats it seriously. I do remember tellinh her about it when i saw her last week..more details on lactation consultant visit in next post

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  10. I understand your struggles with breastfeeding Hun as I had next to no supply with my daughter. It seems im a bit like you and didn’t want to give up on the idea of breastfeeding either. I was shocked at how hard it was. Three days after she was born the paediatrician ordered that she had to have formula as she was loosing weight. She was so distraught, cried all the time and I felt powerless and like I was failing. I recall a nurse trying to get colostrum from me and manually pumped me in the hospital. That was truly awful as I was already sleep deprived and emotional.
    For four months I breastfeed, pumped using a double pump (I’d recommend one of these, cuts pumping time in half) then I’d top her up with first my pumped supply and then formula. Then we would sleep and wake up and do it all again two hours later. It was exhausting to say the least. I developed post natal depression although it was never diagnosed, I just seemed to battle through.

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  11. Please don’t just battle through feelings of depression. There is help out there. Post natal is a lot more common than you’d think.
    I went to a sleep and lactation clinic when she was 4 months as I was at my wits end. The midwife there told me that I had done a great job persevering with breastfeeding up until then but she told me that there wasn’t much point from here on in as my supply was still next to nothing even after taking prescription medication to try and improve supply. She told me that id given my daughter a great start but continuing on was not in both of our best interest. It was funny that after that talk with the midwife I let all my expectations, anxiety and guilt go. I feel reassured that I had done the best job I could.
    I don’t know if I was to do it over again what I would do. I think if I was faced with the same problem I would see more clearly that the time that are so tiny is gone in a blink of an eye. I would understand that the bond between a mother and child goes way beyond breastfeeding and is truly a beautiful gift from God. Relish every moment sweet lady. Don’t forget how amazing you are, you made life! xx

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