August 2012. Rather -Anxiety 2012.

Some of my acquaintances had married the year I got married and they had their first babies over the summer. Of course, social media helped me find out about the arrival of their babies and the very moment when I saw their pictures – I had a sudden feeling of sadness born inside me. It hit me very badly and every day I started wishing I would be pregnant. Becoming pregnant became the goal of my life. I didn’t ever have this sad state of mind. What happened to the cool me? Why did I suddenly start to feel my husband didn’t find me attractive anymore only because I was taking time to get pregnant? I started to feel depressed, anxious, nervous and lost my personality just behind the sudden new feeling of being ‘infertile’. Despite the bad feelings, I had my IVF booked for September so that gave me something to look forward to and be hopeful about.

Even though I wasn’t regular with my metformin yet, I started to lose some weight by now. From 54kgs, I became 52kgs. I was really happy I lost that bit of fat because I didn’t have much muscle anyway so I was happy about this bit of metformin.

May – July 2012: The answer to our infertility cause. Really?

We went to our fertility specialist in May 2012 and she asked for my husband’s sperm reports. He used to travel for his work every month so I guess due to the stress the reports didn’t seem good. Our specialist recommended IUI to us and we wanted to give it a try as soon as possible. I had my AF just a few days before the appointment so we had to just wait a week until ovulation and then go for the procedure.

We were thrilled at how easily it was working for us -the sperm issue had been identified so soon and it could be easily overcome with the IUI. We just felt very lucky and couldn’t wait to see a positive pregnancy test in 10 days time.

As exciting as it seemed, it wasn’t. I wasn’t pregnant and our hearts sank a bit but we were not ready to get depressed with the idea of not being pregnant, my husband and I were perfect warriors. We met up with our specialist again and started planning another round of IUI.

Our second IUI was in July 2012 and that also resulted in a BFN. We still weren’t hit by the news. My father in law suggested to do an IVF in September and as always we began looking forward to it.

I was very optimistic and full of energy. I used to laugh loudly, enjoy every moment and day of my life, eat whatever I wanted and not eat whatever I didn’t want to eat, sleep peacefully, chill with my friends, get ready and go out. It may seem odd why I am saying all this, right? Well, just a few months later I became a completely different person. The old me disappeared and even today I can’t find the old me after so many attempts to bring her back to life.

Will continue blogging about what happened next. Take care mates and enjoy your life till it lasts.

March – April 2012: A Baby step forward.

We finally went to see a doctor after missing AF for 3 months. Sure enough, I wasn’t pregnant and I had PCOs. The doctor prescribed Metformin 500mg thrice a day and some folic acid.

I didn’t realize what an enemy PCOs was to fertility. I began to read about it on the internet and I found some posts that were terrible and very few that gave hope. I began crying after I read the terrible ones from people who didn’t conceive until years 😦

Then I came across posts by women who took Clomid and Metformin and conceived! I was relieved! So without talking to my doctor, I started Clomid (We dont need prescriptions where I live).

I took Clomid without reading how many days it was to be taken for and on what cycle day! Can you imagine how naive I was? I was lucky enough that I started it on Day 2 of my cycle and on Day 6 I just went to see my gynecologist for a general follow up. When I told her I have started Clomid, she was shocked that I was still taking it on cycle day 6! She made me stop it immediately and called me back in on cycle day 11. After doing a transvaginal scan, she gave me an Ovidrelle shot and within a few days my husband and I were busy. I had to use progesterone suppositories post ovulation twice a day to increase chances of implantation since PCOs patients are deficient on progesterone hormone.

At the end of the cycle, I had my period and I wasn’t pregnant. We were upset but were very positive and kept going on and enjoying life.

We gave Clomid another two rounds but I wasn’t pregnant. Again and again.

When I started to take Clomid and Metformin, I used to get terrible headaches and started to have a lot of hair loss. The hair loss and the bit that I had to take my medication regularly like an adult at the age of 21, used to depress me a lot but I used to cheer up myself by thinking of a positive pregnancy test and healthy baby.

I have a few regrets that I would like others to know about so that they avoid the mistakes that I made. First of all, as soon as we started trying for a baby, I had stopped working out thinking that working out will stop implantation from happening. It is a very common myth! Please don’t stop exercising when trying to conceive – you may exercise less aggressively post ovulation but before ovulation you can work out as much as you can. Especially PCOs patients, we have to work out regularly to balance our hormones, only Metformin doesn’t help. Exercising has been proven to reduce stress, ward off anxiety and depression, boost self-esteem and improve sleep. If you think about it this closely, exercise rather improves fertility and increases chances of conception. Secondly, I had very bad eating habits, I used to munch on crisps and chocolates – another extremely bad thing I was doing to my insulin resistant body! Not only that, I used to drink only 700-80oml of water daily. Ideally, I should have been drinking at least 2 liters of water daily. To sum it up, I was a horrible mess. I had no idea what I was doing to myself and I was not worried about my PCOs at all, I had seen people get pregnant every now and then. I also learnt that most women of Asian descent have polycystic ovaries and Asia is the most populated continent. Another regret that I have is I used to be very irregular with Metformin when I started taking it. Sometimes I used to forget to take it because I was never on any medication on a regular basis and sometimes due to the headaches and dizziness, I used to skip some pills. I was taking one Metformin a day instead of the 3 a day prescribed by my doctor. What a sad case I made 😦

We were young so we were impatient also. So we booked an appointment with a fertility specialist although it had only been 6-7 months since we started trying! But today I am glad that we were impatient otherwise I would have never fully diagnosed my condition which I finally did in 2015, more on that bit later.

Sending courageous thoughts to all of you!

January 2012 – The Lost Period

We decided to try again as soon the period was over. We tracked ovulation and again the same process. 14 days post ovulation, I didn’t have my period again – this time for 3 whole months!

We had tested 4 days past AF was due but it was negative and we kept testing. The response was always negative and I kept reading posts on Babycenter that were posted by women who were testing negative and weren’t getting their period for months. All of us seemed to be on the same boat and unluckily, none of the women visited a doctor to get a diagnosis and neither did I. I felt I was pregnant and every little twinge and pain was regarded by me as my pregnancy symptom. How naive and what a daydreamer!

Then when it had been three months since missing my period and being confused about where it had disappeared suddenly, I finally went to a doctor.

3D printed ovaries makes infertile mice give birth!

I was surfing the internet today when this article about 3D printed ovaries came up! I was just amazed with the idea! Just a cheerful and positive post to make us all feel that miracles happen everyday!

Enjoy reading 🙂

Biologists just made infertile mice fertile again by giving them 3D printed ovaries

 

 

 

2011 -The year we were ready and excited

Our first anniversary arrived in July 2011 and we were still having a great time and the thought of having a baby still didn’t cross our minds. Then in November that year we went to a resort to spend the weekend, just away from home. There we felt like we should start a family. On our way home, We stopped at a pharmacy and bought an ovulation prediction kit (OPK). I had always tracked my cycle so I had an idea that I was near my ovulation days. We started testing and within a few days the Clear blue test showed a  🙂 positive for ovulation and we were absolutely delighted! I mean why wouldn’t we be, right? Relaxing weekend, positive OPK. I thought to myself at that moment ‘Making a baby is so simple’ and I started to think about my pregnancy days because I didn’t know how difficult it can sometimes get to become pregnant. Why did I believe pregnancy to occur for us so quickly?Of course because I was only 21 yet and I possibly couldn’t think of a reason other than the age factor to affect a woman’s fertility. In my opinion, infertility occurred after the age of 35. I was also careless enough to think like that maybe because I had just recently left university and my friends who were of my age, fell pregnant without knowing and trying for a baby.

We tried that cycle and began to wait to test 14 days post ovulation. My period didn’t arrive! I always had a 30 day cycle and not a month had I ever missed. I tested happily and to my shock it was negative. I kept myself calm because I had read on the leaflet that a negative test can be retested a few days later. I started to read forums on ‘negative pregnancy tests that turned out to be positive tests within a few days’. Surely, when we search the internet on a particular topic we find too much content related to our search’s direction. If I had searched ‘negative pregnancy test and missed period’ sure enough I would have met with lots of posts from PCOs patients. Anyhow, I retested 2 days later and still negative. I decided to go to my Dr out of general excitement for a pregnancy surprise. The Dr made a scan and she said that she couldn’t find any sign of early pregnancy and that she saw a dark patch which possibly looked like period blood and my period would arrive in a day or two. My heart sank but I still felt that it was too early to rule out a pregnancy because my period was never late and it was the month that we had tried and the period went missing. So surely, I told myself to remain positive and have faith.

Then next morning, my period arrived. I bled a lot more than usual, I bled heavy clots. Sorry for the details. I cried with pain and couldn’t tolerate it at all. I went to the Dr again and she prescribed Voltaren suppositories to ease the pain. At that point I was not hurt yet by not falling pregnant. I knew that it was the first attempt and it took around 3-6 attempts for healthy couples to fall pregnant.

The 5 day delay in period didn’t ring any bells for us. We were too aloof to worry about it yet. A delay in period is a sign of disturbed hormones or some trouble saved for the future. Today after knowing the real cause of my infertility, I feel I had an early chemical pregnancy in my very first attempt.

Stay tuned to find out what happened further down the road. Thanks

 

 

 

 

Beautiful start – 2010

I have started to write my blog nearly 6 years after we got married. I met the man of my dreams in 2009 at the age of 19 and we got married within 6 months. My life was perfect or lets say beyond perfect. Happily married, young , stay at home wife and above all not a care in the world – at least not about my future struggle with infertility! I couldn’t even imagine in my wildest dreams to be inflicted with infertility and especially not at the age of 20!

We decided to wait for a year or more and than have our first baby. As a couple we enjoyed a lot together and always had too much going on. We used to go for late night snacks, late night movie shows, swim together, work out together , go for long drives, go to dinners and late night parties. Above all, due to the nature of my husband’s work we traveled every second month. He would take me a long everywhere he used to go and we didn’t want a baby to come yet and cause any sort of hindrance to our perfectly happy and mobile lives. Little did we know that this extremely fast-paced lifestyle was about to pause for a very long while and the baby that we labelled as a ‘hindrance’ was actually not going to come to us for a very long time.