Praising my Lord, now 12 weeks!!

Dear ladies,

First of all I love it and was truly touched when I found out my fellow bloggers were waiting for an update from my side since my last scan. I myself get concerned when either of you doesn’t blog for sometime and there is no update to my satisfy my heart with so I start looking up for the person’s blog and look for signs of update hehe.I pray for all of you every morning to have your miracles and for your difficulties to end really soon with the Lord’s mercy.

So the update is Baby is now 12 weeks!!

We heard the lovely heartbeat and fell in love with how he or she was changing and flipping sides. Gosh too adorable!! The baby was sucking its thumb and looked like a little baby snuggled in a hammock! 

Please remember us in your prayers and you all are in mine. In about 4 weeks we will find out the gender when I will be 16 weeks, Lord willing. 

Things are beginning to get real…

I have taken estrogen pills since 10 days and a bit more to go now. We are aiming for our transfer on the first weekend of March so that my husband can also sneak out with me to Athens. It will be a 3 hr flight to get there and luckily the flight back home will bring us back before the weekend ends. Hopefully we succeed this go and nobody finds out about our adventure. He he. In 2016, I used to go to London all by myself for my FETs and that used to cost us a lot more for air travel than what we are paying now for the two of us. Another reason was that my stay in London used to get longer than expected most of the time so it was not feasible for my husband to sneak out without being caught. I also had my lovely sister in London to take care of me so it was always fun visiting her. So now we both will be traveling together to get our frozen one home from the place we had our honeymoon at.

Today was my mid cycle scan and am very grateful that all looked lovely. We are really excited and hoping praying this cycle works. Just 11 days until the transfer.

The nurse who did my scan gave me a baby record book today. I was stunned! I have always wanted to have one. I could just feel that we are not too far now. I am attaching a picture of the first page of the book. Tell me what jolts you would feel holding such a book in your hands after years of trying when you cant give up…

Our beautiful embryos are ready

We have an amazing update to share. Our lovely donor gave us 14 eggs. We decided to inseminate 8 with my husband’s sperm and 6 with donor sperm. We now have 6 5AA blasts frozen. 2 out of the 8 from my husband’s sperm and 4 out of the donor’s. Maybe we really did have the fragmentation issue or I don’t know. Sometimes all of a sudden I just feel scared that what if it really isnt the fragmentation. I am only scared because in 2015 when the immune disorder (elevated cytokines and natural killer cells) were detected we were happy that we had found our solution. It wasnt the end of it. Then when my embryos had ceased at morula stage we switched to donor eggs and we believed that was the answer to our issue. It wasnt so. So now when Penny at Serum has said it is the sperm fragmentation , I am finding it hard to believe in it and be positive. Infertility really scars the inflicted.

Finally January has ended. It seemed like it never would. I am visiting my parents so time is going fast now and hence the late update. My cycle has started and my FET preparation has begun. We are aiming at transferring around the 1st week of March which means 2 weeks to go! Finally getting to transfer after waiting for 3 months. Time really did fly and I am feeling January was on a major pause.

Hope you all are keeping well. 

-A

And another BFN…

So my FET has failed…When the hpt came up negative I was not able to believe how unlucky I could be that even donor egg embryos didnt implant inside me at just the age of 26…. Something really worrying and depressing that nothing has worked despite having tried so hard…

We had contacted Serum in Athens last month and they had suggested the antibiotic ritual before transfer and testing the sperm for fragmentation since they didn’t approve of the quality of embryos we had at the London Women’s Clinic. We had 5 blastocysts overall and the grading was 4BC 4BC 4CC 4CC 4CD. We never knew we were to discover more…

Our sperm fragmentation results came out a few days ago and it showed high fragmentation. This explained the average to below average quality of our embryos. The Dr. at Serum has told us that with such high sperm fragmentation I will never be able to get pregnant and even if I ever do, I will miscarry before the 9th week itself. This somewhat explains the chemical pregnancies I have had.

Penny at Serum had asked me to test my period blood for infections and Chlamydia. It is the Locus Medicus test that happens in Athens only. The results showed that I had some trace of chlamydia which could be the reason for my elevated immunes and hence I would need antibiotics to suppress this infection which would enable implantation. Which further means that I have nothing much to worry about related to my diet – my problem is related to the infection inside me. This trace of chlamydia is not an STD. Anyone can get it and from anywhere.. public swimming pools, public toilets , jacuzzis etc. Since I have this infection , it means he has it too and this infection is one of the culprits for the sperm fragmentation..

My husband and I were extremely shocked to find out that our sperm was what caused us so much of pain and sadness all these years…we always believed it was my eggs but as it has come out to be.. its the other way around. Penny has suggested using my eggs with donor sperm but I am very tired of doing IVF after IVF or maybe I am just too paranoid of using my own eggs. I just feel my eggs are too bad to make good embryos. It is so badly engrossed in me that I wont be able to perform well. 

It was hard but I convinced him to use donor sperm with donor eggs. He was just not able to believe that he will have no DNA connection with his baby but after some convincing he realised that I have been through way too much and that I really need a child now to be happy. He feels for me that I have been on hydroxychloroquinine sulfate for nearly a year and been doing painful LITs and IVIG/intralipid infusions without any results but with so much of added risk to my own health. He has come to realize that living with pain and sadness is not worth it when at the end DNA doesnt matter. It is the happiness and love we are missing out on by not helping ourselves.

All the misery his parents put me through… all for not having conceived a child when the sperm was never really tested. Just yesterday his mom was whining about us not having a child yet when he told his mom about it. She was not able to believe it. My husband and I had decided not to involve his parents in this matter since they offer no help whatsoever but he only told her because she was whining against me and he could not bear it anymore that they give me a hard time when I am really not the one responsible (even if I was the one responsible, no one has any right to disturb anyones happiness or give them more trouble when they are facing infertility).

Of course we haven’t told his mom about the donor sperm plan but I cannot explain how relieved I feel and the burden I feel lifted off my shoulders after finding this all out… It just feels like we are headed in the right direction..

We have decided to go with 50% own sperm and 50% donor sperm all with donor eggs. IVF stimulation drugs cause too much of hair loss to me due to the stress I take so I have no intention of injecting myself with any more stimulants. We are planning a cycle in end January 2017 so for now we are just going to relax and give ourselves a break.

Waiting for a miracle and not ready to give up yet.