16 weeks…

So I am 16 weeks today, Praise is for my Lord. I have not gone to my OB since my surgery at 13 weeks to drain the swelling from the PIO shots and my husband read up on the internet that getting too many scans is not safe for the baby so he is not planning to take me for a scan until I am 24 weeks. I really do not know how I will wait for 8 more weeks but for my child’s health I’ll bear this and keep missing seeing him or her. On a positive note, I am starting to show a bit now and my breasts have grown quite a bit so its pretty reassuring. So now its confirmed I wont be able to know the gender for another 8 weeks so no shopping until then. ☹

Oh well, I am just grateful I am finally able to look forward to this after years of heartbreak and trying. I pray all the ladies who are reading this succeed in their journies very soon. Just dont give up, keep at it. Every new step in your treatment or discovery of underlying issues is a step closer to your goal. I clearly remember when Dr.Gorgy bombarded me with tests worth thousands of pounds, I was about to break down but I had to hold myself strong and just try and do what was best. Although I didn’t gain any benefit from his testing but the testing of my husband’s sperm fragmentation (after completely having failed Dr.Gorgy’s treatment which I had pursued for a year and involved all sorts of crazy medication and IVs) helped me out and brought me here. Be willing to take all sorts of ways to achieve your happiness and you will get it. I had to convince my husband to go the double donor way; I had to be really open minded although if any of our parents find out they’ll probably flip lol but that doesn’t matter since this very little secret and miracle held us together and has given us so much of happiness even before coming into our arms. Praying for you all. 

Our beautiful embryos are ready

We have an amazing update to share. Our lovely donor gave us 14 eggs. We decided to inseminate 8 with my husband’s sperm and 6 with donor sperm. We now have 6 5AA blasts frozen. 2 out of the 8 from my husband’s sperm and 4 out of the donor’s. Maybe we really did have the fragmentation issue or I don’t know. Sometimes all of a sudden I just feel scared that what if it really isnt the fragmentation. I am only scared because in 2015 when the immune disorder (elevated cytokines and natural killer cells) were detected we were happy that we had found our solution. It wasnt the end of it. Then when my embryos had ceased at morula stage we switched to donor eggs and we believed that was the answer to our issue. It wasnt so. So now when Penny at Serum has said it is the sperm fragmentation , I am finding it hard to believe in it and be positive. Infertility really scars the inflicted.

Finally January has ended. It seemed like it never would. I am visiting my parents so time is going fast now and hence the late update. My cycle has started and my FET preparation has begun. We are aiming at transferring around the 1st week of March which means 2 weeks to go! Finally getting to transfer after waiting for 3 months. Time really did fly and I am feeling January was on a major pause.

Hope you all are keeping well. 

-A

Some updates that I have been wondering about..

My last post was a month back and ever since life has been quite different.

First of all, my mother in law (mil) became extremely worried about her son’s future ever since her son told her about the sperm fragmentation. It is not even funny how much tension these people take over us not having a child. I mean we, who have struggled so much, have had a long journey and we used to have our sad depressing moments but we never panicked over it as much as they have. These people on the other hand get panicked as if we are the first couple facing infertility ever since Earth was created.

So my mil wanted us to visit her soon after she heard the sperm news. We are at the in laws place again and guess what? This time its all smiles and rainbows. My father in law (fil) who made our life extremely miserable in summers is suddenly very nice to me. I think my mil has told him about his son.

Point is, now my mil says “This is no ones fault, its God’s will”. So now the hypocrites are back to believing in God’s will and when they all thought it was me who was the hindrance in creating a baby for their son, this very lady told me that it was their bad luck that they chose me for their son.

So done with all this non sense. I am not going to be flattered now. It’s too late to have the same old honest feelings for them that I used to have for them once.